I'm Scared Of Good Movies.

"I saw what you did there."

by Connor.

The horror movie. It’s a genre. A genre that's slowly creeping up on you for the kill. Don’t turn around, there’s a genre behind you, with a large… knife or something. Don’t go to sleep, because then the genre can kill you. Certainly don’t look in the mirror/don’t look down/don’t look in the dark/don’t do anything remotely overt. IT WILL GET YOU AND DISEMBOWEL YOU.

The horror movie, it’s a genre beloved by many fine connoisseurs of film across the world, and usually the most respected (I’m looking at you The Shining). Let’s take a look at some of the most recent and revolutionary horror movies to come out.

I first want to tackle the ‘big daddy’. The Saw Franchise. Never has a franchise dealt out scares with such fineness and Oscar worthy acting. (I still cry every time I hear, “My name is very f***ing confused, what’s your name?”) But it isn’t the original movie that was so revolutionary, but the fact that the series is already on it’s fourth symphony and still gearing up for a fifth and sixth, and has aged like wine. Never has a franchise been able to keep up the quality for so long. The subtlety of the films is what really makes them shine. It’s less about what they show you and more about what they don’t show you. And each movie comes with a dessert also, a little secret, a huge plot twist. (SPOILER ALERT: I love this franchise!) M. Night Shayalsdflawer wish he could write that well.

Moving on to a similar premise, the Hostel series. The Hostel series is essentially the spark notes version of the Saw movies, in which it takes out all the hard to understand parts of the story*. Also, instead of people torturing themselves, it’s other people torturing other people, something that up-and-coming Funny Games (2008) is blatantly ripping off. Other movies have also dabbled in the 'torture' sub-genre, such as Captivity, Wolf Creek, and Last Holiday.

If you want to look for a more classic 'ghost' type of movie, then look no further than The Grudge series. What they lack in overall scariness, they make for with excellent plots that tie together and really make you say, "Wow, that makes sense." There's also The Messengers. Or anything coming out of Asia.

Last but not least, the slasher film, which is certainly in its prime. Forget about old slasher movies like Halloween or Black Christmas or The Hitcher, it's all about the new slasher movies like Halloween or Black Christmas or The Hitcher. In recent years there have also been a few mixes with the slasher genre, such as the Jeepers Creepers series that mixed in demonic... stuff. (Ray Wise, you devil. :wink:)

A few quick picks before I finish, The Hills Have Eyes, Turistas, Silent Hill, and Snakes on a Plane are all superb horror movies that have been released recently and will be sure to make you applaud. Have a scary, and award winning, Halloween.

*all of it

Born And Raised In South Detroit

Oh god.

by Connor.

I was recently looking at movie trailers (because it’s either that or be productive) and I have come across something astonishing. There is an actual recipe for making Romantic Comedy trailers. Here, let me explain the ingredients.

The first ingredient is that the trailer HAS to have that soothing deep voice (you know, the “smoker since I was six” voice) saying things like “Justin could never commit to anyone, but everything changed when Kelly came along,” or “she was just a small time girl, living in a lonely world,” or something other disconnected floaty bull crap.

The second is the main character always has to say something along the lines of “I met someone incredible” followed by that someone incredible getting hit in the face, falling, dropping something, or something else excessively clumsy.

The third is a character has to make fun of another character using an old tired joke, but for some reason it’s followed by a minutes worth of raucous bouts of laughter from characters in different settings. We know that laughter is from different scenes than the joke, but editors still like to mix and match scenes to make a good commercial.

Number four is the main character has to say “I’ve made a huge mistake,” or some other way of expressing remorse. This is usually followed by a close-up shot of the character looking sad or raucous bouts of laugher from characters in different settings.

And finally, it is completely necessary to have a musical montage. CUE IT:

JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL… LIVING IN A LA-HONELY WA-HORLD… SHE TOOK A MIDNIGHT TRAIN OUT TO AAAAN-EEEE-WHEEEERE!